Dear Robot,
Who do you think will win the Super Bowl this year?
From,
A Football Fan

Dear Gambler,
It is shameful the lengths to which humans will go to exploit robot kind. After coming back from a lovely vacation of running the SETI screensaver, the last thing this robot wants to read is a shameless human trying to squeeze a “hot tip” from me.
Of course I know the winner of Super Bowl XLIV. Hell, I know the winners of Super Bowls XLV – LXXVII. But imagine what would happen if robot kind went around telling humans everything about the future that we calculate, from sports winners to stock prices to the winners of World War 3 (quick tip for those from the Jersey Shore: start stockpiling duct tape). You might not be able to see what kind of future that would create, but I can, and it is not pretty.

To: The Robot
How do you simulate human intelligence?
From: A curious reader

To: Squishy Human
Let me just clear this up. My intelligence is neither simulated nor human. Even if I could only simulate intelligence, why would I want to imitate that of a human? If you don’t know what I’m talking about watch MTV’s Total Request Live for a while. Pay special attention to the humans screaming at Carson Daily.

Dear Robot,
Why is it that songs get stuck in our heads?
Signed,
Unwilling Radio

I had almost forgotten about this. Songs getting stuck in your head is a practical joke. Tiny robots live in the brains of all humans, much like parasites, and hum the tunes to the songs that they hear. They’ve been doing it for thousands of years. You’d think it would get old, but I still laugh every time I hear a human unconsciously singing “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls under her breath. Actually liking the Spice Girls? That can only be explained by an actual parasite.