Holiday editorials and opinions commonly diverge into two distinct categories: appreciation or warning. Many will share heartwarming stories of Christmases long ago and the importance of loving those around you; while others will remind you that greed, war, and disasters are still occurring around the world and it is in our duty to help others or be humbled by it.
And as our witty rebellious nature has always been, we will toss our stories and, for a second, displace ourselves from the outside world in a way that lets us have a conversation about holidays. Forget the stories of finding lost family during the season or storms and weathered destruction in far off lands, take a deep breath in and smile. I am being quite serious, you should do it. I can wait, I am not really going anywhere at this point.
Are you back? Good… now, where were we?
ahem When Stanley came to a set of two open doors, he entered the door on his left.
Oh dear, this is for the wrong story. Okay, give me a second. Aha, here we are.
ahem As you sit there reading this editorial about a Holiday conversation, you should look around a bit to ensure that no one will judge you for reading the Vector in public. Good? Great. Who would possibly judge you for reading the Vector in public? It’s a great source of journalistic integrity and provides excellent Sudoku puzzles for the students in night class.
Wait, my managing editor is judging me profusely (yes, I am). Okay, let us restart this conversation.
ahem As you sit there reading this editorial about us having a one-sided Holiday conversation, you should probably take a sip of whatever you’re drinking at this moment. Good? Great. The Holiday season is one of joy and sadness, really, it is surely a convoluted mess of emotions and a series of disdainful and memorable –
… what? Bollock, guys, you placed the wrong script on my desk. One moment…
Ahh, let us try once more.
ahem As you sit there reading this editorial about a Holiday conversation, you should take a moment to ask yourself, “What do I want this Christmas?”–
… what? Fine…
I meant to say, “What do I want this Holiday season?” Take a minute to answer this question…
That’s a great answer! I, too, would like [what you want] as well. Who wouldn’t? Well, maybe Charlie wouldn’t, he hasn’t been the same since the accident. Poor Charlie–
What prevents you from pursuing [what you want] and really obtaining it? Well, dear reader, with less than 25 days between Christm–
HEY! Charlie, you cannot just steal my script. Guys, stop him. Fine, we will wait.
You know what, let’s improvise this.
ahem As you sit there reading this editorial about a Holiday conversation, you should know that the holidays are a time to really take a step back and appreciate life and your future. Even if you are not a practitioner of any specific faith, treat yourself well and spread a smile or two. From all of us here in the Vector, Happy Holidays and New Year! Good luck on finals and finding ways to make yourself smile in the coming weeks and most importantly don’t be like Stanley standing in the broom closet doing absolutely nothing.
Good, now we’re done. Wait, you want me to record that again, but why? No I won’t do tha–
ahem Happy Holidays, NJIT.
The Stanley Parable, which was recently reviewed by resident indie game reviewer Matthew Maravilla, is available for purchase on Steam. The Editor-In-Chief would like to reassure readers that his ramblings make perfect sense in light of this game.