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This issue, during the week of Valentine’s Day, we asked our staff as well as random people on campus to submit matrimonials. Here they lie in all their glory.

“Hispanic. Semi-obsessed with soccer. Plays the piano and guitar. Speaks Spanish & German. Likes Italian food.”

“Black male, 21, interested in girls who are interested in the interesting. Likes pillowtalk and movies, dislikes girls who aren’t ambitious.”

“Female, 18, on the fence about what to do every moment so she lets the moments take her. Loves to tease. Would do anything for you if it’d make you happy.”

“Asian. 21+. Likes GDS dates but has no meal plan. Sings better than you probably think he can. Runs. Will send you Snapchat art.”

“White female seeking tender human with a sense of humor. Eats a lot of fast food but unsure of where it all ends up. Athletic and will probably coach your future kid’s soccer team.”

“White male, 20, partially deaf from playing speakers at max volume. Plays guitar and sings okay. Will probably write you a song if you ask him to. Looking for anyone who will listen to him play.”

“Photographer, 24, male, 6’, doesn’t know what he’s doing. Watches #TGIT at GDS every Thursday night. Runs short distances at the gym. Constancy over improvement. Looking for a #TGIT fangirl, emotional and gentle.”

“Looks at the moon when she’s walking at night, will draw stars in the window condensation in the passenger seat of your car. Seeking someone to teach me piano and put their hands over mine on the keys.

“Egyptian, 20, likes to babble about things that he’s pretty sure no one cares about. Obsessed with Russian fiction, likes food. A lot. Plays piano.”

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