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The Vector

NJIT's Student Newspaper

The Vector

NJIT's Student Newspaper

The Vector

Dear Highlander, My boo just ghosted me

Dear Highlander, 

My boo just ghosted me, and I actually have no idea why.

I thought that things were going pretty well with them, but they’ve completely disappeared and stopped responding to my texts. At first, I was a little worried; now, I just feel annoyed that they would throw

 away our friendship without even a goodbye or any explanation. What do I do, and how can I move on from this? 


Feeling Spooked


Dear Feeling Spooked, 

Ah, ghosting — it’s the classic move that can turn any relationship into a spooky, mysterious ghost story. You were once the best of buddies, and suddenly, poof! Your friend disappears faster than the last piece of candy on Halloween night. You’re left with a bewildering sense of abandonment, feeling as though you’re stuck in a horror movie. Well, fear not, because I’m here to help you navigate the baffling case of the vanishing friend. 

First things first, you’re not alone in this cryptic situation. Ghosting, though unfortunately common, remains a puzzling behavior that is often a reflection of the ghoster’s issues, not yours. So, don’t jump to conclusions, because there’s a good chance you are not the problem — sometimes, people just disappear to avoid their own problems or complexities, and there is nothing you could have done. Let’s not forget that everyone has their closet of skeletons. Your ghostly friend might be battling their personal demons or embarking on a different journey — give them the benefit of the doubt and focus on your own wellbeing. 

Next, take stock of your own behavior. No, you’re not doing this to find a laundry list of your faults – that’s for your inner critic to handle in its own corner. Reflect on your past interactions with your friend. Were there any disagreements, misunderstandings, or signs of distance? Sometimes, these issues can be subtle like a quiet hiccup in a loud conversation. 

As for breathing life back into this dead friendship, I would recommend reaching out, but doing it with finesse. Send a message or make a casual phone call, saying something like, “hey, I’ve missed our conversations! Hope you’re doing well.” This keeps the door open for your friend to step back in if they wish. Don’t demand an explanation or send anything passive-aggressive — ghosts tend to shy away from being hunted.  

Just brace yourself; they might not respond. Ghosters can be notoriously elusive. If you don’t hear from them after a reasonable time, it’s time to accept the situation and move on. It’s like closing a book you’ve read too many times, in the hopes of finding a new one with an exciting plot. 

In the meantime, occupy your free time with things you enjoy and rediscover your other friendships. It’s easy to get fixated on the lost friendship and forget that you have a whole supporting cast of characters waiting in the wings. Embrace new hobbies, binge-watch your favorite shows, or join that yoga class you’ve been putting off. Take care of yourself; it is perfectly okay to feel hurt, but don’t let it consume you. 

Lastly, don’t be too hard on yourself. Relationships, just like life, are unpredictable and full of plot twists. The fact that you care about this relationship speaks volumes about your character. If it doesn’t rekindle, it’s their loss. You’ll carry the valuable lessons and memories to future connections. 

Just remember, don’t dive too deep into the abyss of self-doubt and blame. Offer a friendly hand back into their life, and if they don’t grab it, focus on the relationships that are ready to shine like bright stars in your night sky. Life is too short to ponder over ghost stories; it’s time to live your own. After all, who needs a ghost when you can be the life of the party? 


A Fellow Highlander 

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Areej Qamar, Executive Editor
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