Dear Highlander,

I just can’t take her anymore. It’s hard to admit, but I think I just gotta come out and say it: I hate my best friend’s girlfriend! My friend has turned into a different person since he has started dating her, and I definitely wouldn’t say that these changes are for the better. I got weird vibes from this girl when he first introduced me to her; she was just so rude, both to me and her boyfriend! But I didn’t really say much at the time because it was like, he had been telling me so much about her, how could I rag on someone who supposedly made my friend happy? But I should have said something then. He barely hangs out with me or our other friends anymore, he gave up guitar and video games (his two favorite things), and he’s been ditching most of his classes to either hang out with her or do stuff for her. And lately when I’ve spotted them together, he looks genuinely miserable. So I don’t get it. Why does he stay with her? And what can I do to help him?

Sincerely,

Got-99-Problems-and-that-B***h-Is-One

Dear Got-99-Problems-and-that-B***h-Is-One,

It sounds like this girl may be putting your friend into some trouble. But, before you do anything, I think you should make absolutely sure that this girl is the reason why your friend has been acting so differently. I know you haven’t been able to speak to him in a while, so it might be good to double check first that there isn’t something else going on in his life, maybe at home or otherwise, to cause him to withdraw from his friends and things he loves.

However, since you have already seen how this girl treats your friend, and know that he has been ditching his responsibilities for her sake, I think the assumption that he is acting this way because of her is a good one. Giving up on your passions and completely isolating yourself from your friends  because of a new relationship isn’t healthy. I could understand if maybe he started spending less time hanging out with you because of his new relationship (doesn’t everyone go through a honeymoon phase?), but the fact that he’s stopped talking to you or his other friends entirely strikes me as weird. And skipping all of his classes is definitely going to hurt him.

The best thing you can do to start with is talk to your friend!! Get him to meet with you one-on-one, and ask him if everything is ok and what is going on. Be honest with him, tell him about the changes you have been noticing and what you think of what is going on. Ask him if he is behaving this way because of something going on with his girlfriend. You need to have this conversation with him, and see what he tells you.

If it turns out that your friend is acting this way because of his new bae, and he doesn’t see why this is a problem, you may need to take more drastic measures. See if you can get more of your friends involved to speak to your friend for an intervention of sorts.

There’s really not much you can do right now until you have a discussion with your friend, so get on it! Sometimes you need someone to point out that something is wrong before you realize it yourself. Good luck, I hope your friend gets back to a good place!

Sincerely,

A Fellow Highlander